Stupid computer problems kept me from posting this last week. I absolutely fucking aced my exams in metals stress. Janet didnt do as well, but since she's never going to need to work for a living I guess thats okay.

Troy and I are still doing the strippercise classes. Troy has done a few shows at some of the bars and I've done about four bridal showers in the last week and a half. The bridal showers have all been pretty fucking boring. These women get liquored up and start hooting and yelling and making a big show about how they can be just as big an asshole as guys are at strip clubs. So what happens when I actually start straddling their laps and doing the 'doughnut spearing' maneuver in front of them? They get all coy and embarassed. Fucking teases. I have done four of these fucking showers  and the closest thing I've had to fucking someone is some bitch getting her fucking Lee Press On Nails stuck in my nutsack when she shoved a $5 bill in there and then lost her balance because she'd been drinking Long Island Iced Teas all night.

But.....the money is good and I get alot of referrals to do more bridal showers, birthday parties and that sort of shit. But you know what? I miss fucking people for money. I did my usual rumprodeo with Lana last week (in the walk-in freezer at the restaurant. That was a fucking trip!) and I nail Janet twice a week like clockwork. Janet tries to spend more time with me but I told her straight up that I've got stuff that I need to do during the week (she doesnt know it involves me swinging my dick for money) and that as much as I'd like to spend time with her (with her wallet, anyway) I need to work and study. She seems okay with it. She's definitely avenging herself against her recently married ex-boyfriend in the I-wanna-be-a-slut department. We headed out to The Toybox in the city last week and bought, I am not fucking kidding you, $350 worth of sex toys. The fucking creepy thing was that the three people in line in front of as spent even more... what kind of shit do you get for $350? Fuck man, some of these vibrators cost $50 each. I've got a fucking milkshake-maker here called a 'Magic Wand' by Hitachi and I bet I could fucking kill someone with it. Its like some sort of royal scepter that turns women into screaming sacks of cum. Seriously, its scary. I tried it on Janet two nights ago while I was fucking her in the ass and I must have run it over her pussy and clit for all of about ten seconds before she starts shrieking like an air raid siren and flailing her legs like she's having a fit. ALl her muscles tensed and I'd swear her eyes rolled back in her head. And when her muscles tensed, I mean ALL of them tensed...I thought her ass was going to pinch my dick off like it was a cigar cutter or something. When she finally got over it she started this stream of dirty talk promising me all sortsa nasty kinky shit if I would just pleeeeeeease make her come liek that again. So I did. Twice more. And then the next day convinced her to buy me a new iPod. Seems fair ...$300 for an iPod versus making her see Jesus.

I did one job last week for the agency. Some female executive from, af all places, San Francisco was staying at the Four Seasons. On her last night there I went and spent three hours having her parade around the room in just her underwear and stockings while I pretended not to notice. At the end I was supposed to start calling her names and make her masturbate in front me. No sex. Can you fucking believe that? No sex. Maybe living in San Francisco has made her hyper-cautious about AIDS but come on...Who pays $350 to jerk off in front of someone? She seemed to get into it though. One thing Ive noticed in this business is that alot of women who you wouldnt suspect sure like to be treated like sluts. Im no sociology major but if I had to guess Id say that maybe theyre uncomforatble in the Im-just-as-good-as-any-man role that their careers force them into and like the stress-free relief of letting someone else take charge. Beats me. Or, actually, doesnt beat me since thats an extra $150.